hey guys sorry that i didn't right very much. I haven't had time to really sit down and write. I will add the articles in later.

Simple Destruction
Everyone has a road of life that is all their own, whether it is gravel with many different smooth coated pebbles or a dusty urban path with plush shady trees interspersed along its borders. Each person chooses which way to walk when the time comes to make that decision. Some may try to blame their parents for the road they received, some try to blame the influence of their surroundings, and some just choose to throw the fault onto themselves. But when the road forks the feet that have been skipping, dragging, running or stumbling lead the way. The path of life has begun. But for some the road that was chosen lead to heartache, tears and forever lasting effects that can never be reversed. The path that I chose and thousands of others was influenced by society but faulted by our hearts. The pull and drag of this pain left behind will never be lost or forgotten. What I speak of is a disease known as an eating disorder. This disease does not discriminate against age, race or gender; it only destroys its host and for many takes the very life right out of them. There are many different types of eating disorders that are inflicted upon its victims. Researchers have studied for years the effects of each type, whether it be bulimia, anorexia, purging or overeating. The data that has been collected is grave in its nature. To be honest, I am still suffering from the effects. These damages that I did to my body will linger with me like a ghost in the distance that continues to haunt until I will finally be at peace.
I never realized how much damage I did to my body until I went into a doctor’s appointment because my mother was worried that I wasn’t eating. I kept telling her that I was sick and that was why I was throwing up three to four times a day and didn’t have an appetite. They did the standard procedures, measuring my height, taking my temperature and checking my weight. My doctor diagnosed me with the common stomach flu that was growing in epidemic. She wanted to check in with me in a week to make sure that I was able to get my appetite back up to a normal level and gave me anti-vomiting pills to help with the constant times that I was throwing up. During that week I ate nothing and continued to make myself throw up. The last four days before my appointment I forced myself to not drink any fluids because I put the image in my head that I was gaining water weight and there was no way I was going to watch the numbers on the scale to go up. I was hearing myself saying that I was fat and I would pull at my skin and nit pick until tears welded up and streamed down my face. My mom would come in and look at me and just cry and have to walk out of the room because she couldn’t stand to look at her daughter waste away to nothing. My appointment lurked in my mind as I sat in the waiting room dreading the sound of my name as it would come out of one of the nurse’s mouth. It took great effort for me to walk down that long white corridor that lead to my worst enemy, the scale. They weighed me and I couldn’t even look at the number because I didn’t want to be disappointed and give away my deep, dark secret. I sat waiting for my doctor to come in and she held that clipboard tightly with her manicured nails lightly tapping the thin wood. My thoughts were racing. She looked at me and just shook her head. Then she told me exactly what I wanted to hear but not in the presence of my mom. I dropped twenty pounds in one week. There was a significant difference between my vitals before and what she took that day. I couldn’t stand for a minute without my head spinning and feeling like body was going to collapse under my knees. I will never forget the expression my mom had on her face when she looked at my chart in disbelief. Her mouth dropped and she instantly blamed herself for not seeing the signs from a sooner date. Everyone knew my secret and there was no mystery to why I was so “sick” anymore. My cover was blown and my path that I was traveling was never going to be the same.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditions/12/01/Hm.eating.disorders.holidays/index.html

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20049594,00.html

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1718069,00.html?xid=feed-cnn-topics

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/09/26/anorexia.model/index.html#cnnSTCText

http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/03/15/BK.girls.body.image/index.html